Posted by: bandaidchild | May 19, 2010

We’re not in Kansas Anymore.

Am I in Kansas Anymore?

In the Wizard of Oz, not being in Kansas anymore for Dorothy turns out to be an interesting experience.

She’s knocked unconscious by a tornadic weather, and begins to dream. Her dreams take her away from rural Kansas to this magical place, where’s there’s “no trouble at all”.

If I remember correctly, Dorothy goes through some tumultuous times outside of Kansas. What she thought would be Nirvana (not the Grunge band, or the ‘state of being’) turned out completely different than she imagined it would be.

She was taken out of dusty Kansas, out of her element, into the unknown. Along the way she met some interesting chaps, and one evil woman. And a wholllle lotta midgets.

But her change was not alone.

And that’s sometimes what scares me about change- the fear of being alone while I adjust.

At least Dorothy had a tin man, a straw man, a cute shnauzer, a pansy little princess and a socially awkward lion.

But I do have lots of support. There are too many hands for me to count on the small of my back, supporting me.

So why am I feeling alone?

I’m waiting to hear back from a job I really, really want. All day I’ve been trying to mentally strategize how I’ll respond if he calls me back telling me something like, “…we just don’t have the budget right now”, or “you’re not who we’re looking for,” or even “you’re certainly welcome to volunteer, but we’re not hiring at this time. . .”

Hearing “NO” does not lead me to revolt in a temper tantrum like the kids I used to oversee at my old job. no no. I take it out on myself, because it’s much easier to encapsulate my pain then to let it spew out and let The Church do its job of holding my wounds.

Shame on me.

So, if you think of it, will you pray for me? I feel like I’m in the middle of Kansas, and part of me wants to get out, but part of me is too scared to leave my dusty (proverbial) old town.

-Becca

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Responses

  1. I’d love to hear more about where you’ve landed- and, I’m praying for you today. Right now, as a matter of fact.

  2. I know you don’t have internet, but I miss your posts. Snap, snap.


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