Posted by: bandaidchild | June 1, 2010

Limping.

Limping is no fun.

It makes the smallest of movements exhaustive.

And I feel like I’m limping right now.

I made a list I should’ve have.

A list of tantalizing temptation.

And I haven’t been able to take those numbers out of my head. 40 of those, 55 of these…

The truth is, I feel a very real war going on. It kinda reminds me of most of Ephesians, but also this song.

“there’s a war going on for the territory of dominion. Who will dominate the opinons, skisms and isms?

. . . Now who ‘ya choosin,; the Head or the tail? The bloodshed of the male, or confidence in the Vail?

destitute and necessity.

Causing desperation to get the best of me.

punishment until there was nothing left of me.

realizing the un-escapable death of me.

no options in the Valley of Decision;

the only doctrine is Supernatural Circumcision.

Inwardly, only water can purge the heart from words by fiery darts

There’s no escaping when,

your whole philosophy is paper thin.

in vanity.

insanity.

could it be all of humanity?

How can we show up for an invisible war?

That’s the ever-brilliant Lauryn Hill. Song is called Freedom Time.

Every night as I struggle to keep my thoughts at bay, I hear clanging of metal and very manly grunts, and probably some viking horns crashing into each other. There is a war over my Allegiance. Over my thoughts, over my mind. And I know I gave it to Jesus a few years ago, but there is somebody else trying to take it back. In Christianity, we call it “the enemy”. It’s a nebulous term, a bit, but I say with confidence that the devil wants me, and the only reason I can hear him, and feel like shouting, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” is because somewhere along the way, I let him come into my space.

he is telling me to let him have my mind, because giving up is just easier.

Because it will be painless.

because then I will be one less person looking for a job. (good way to cut down on unemployment. Eh? eh?)

because I’m tired of growing and learning, and stumbling and shuffling, and floundering.

And he makes a pretty good effort of reminding me of the list I made in my journal.

Over 130 there.

I got rid of 10.5 today. But I still have an evil curiosity inside. An impulsive voice that says, “just DO IT, and hide. It’ll all be over soon.”

I’m not getting specific because I don’t need to be.

There is a war going on inside me. Please pray for me. Pray I would root and fight for the right side. The side that offers life to the fullest, even if it doesn’t seem much like life right now. Pray that I’d enlist the right people to fight on my behalf. Please pray that I would trust The General to get me through this.

Thanks.

-Becca

Advertisements

Responses

  1. praying, friend. I love you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: