Posted by: bandaidchild | January 18, 2011

He Makes Beautiful Things.

Greetings and salutations.

 

The Lord has been teaching me things that I wanted to share with you guys. I’ve noticed when I start writing I may have a topic in mind but once I’m finished I notice that I’ve veered off my original path. I think in this way that Jesus uses my wandering mind and fingers and helps me to solidify more of what I’ve just learned, or convicts me to learn something new. I love how He does that; what a gift.

 

Over the last month or so I’ve really been trying to get tuned into what it means to go forward despite fear. Firefighters do it all the time. While they have a strategy of how to put out the fire, and they have adrenaline flowing through their veins, there’s an element of fear in each working fire. Many firefighters have families to think about, and structure fires are especially dangerous due to the compromised infrastructure.

But they don’t look up at a burning building with their gear on, leaning on the rig as people scream, and bite their nails. They take a deep breath, work as a team, and go inside a building that may collapse, kill their crew, patrons inside, or start other buildings on fire if they dawdle.

These folks are normal. They drink beer, play Scrabble, mow their lawn, get angry in traffic, go to religious services, play with toy race cars with their kiddos. Their lives, other than when the pager goes off, are relatively normal. None of them were born with a special gene making them laugh in the face of danger. But, they have a job, and they do it because they love it, despite the fear, despite the danger, despite the possible consequences of their sacrifice.

Fear doesn’t have to be as monumental as running into a burning building when everyone else is running out. It can be fear of taking a new way to work, or meeting someone for the first time, or swimming in public or being a freshmen in High School, or an awkward preteen. For me, I fear change where I’m unable to control most everything.

Dang. I can’t believe I just admitted that. While getting mah hur cut today I confessed to my beautiful friend Annie, “it’s amazing how you can love Jesus but not trust Him at all. I wonder if that means I really love Him…”

All of my plans got changed six months prior to graduating college, and I had an exceptionally hard time dealing with the deviation. If you’ve been with me on this blogging journey long you know this “detour” sent me to stay at a psych ward for a week to cool myself down. A nice nurse told me that my problem is that I suck at adjusting to change, and I need to stop the car, get out, and smell the flowers.

Change scares me because I feel nekked. I feel so uncomfortably vulnerable that I go out of my way to avoid change. My therapist says I’m pretty good at avoiding change; probably one of the best clients she’s ever had. You could say I’m a prodigy when it comes to avoiding change.

A friend told me in an email a few weeks ago that it’s okay to be scared. I’ve heard this before, sure. But this time it stuck, and I really took a lot of peace from this notion. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be scared.

I can’t really think of anybody in the Bible who didn’t do a single thing without an element of fear. Many of them, after the Lord gave them a task cried out, “But Lord, I’m scared!” followed by a number of excuses. But you know what? They pressed on despite their fear. When the Disciples were in the boat trying to catch some fish and Jesus came walking on the water they were scared. I bet at least one of them peed his pants. They didn’t add that to the Bible because maybe God didn’t want to embarrass one of the faithful. But Jesus showed Himself to be sovereign, and gentle, and Holy, and wonderful and beautiful and the Savior. Even the one who wet his pants could not deny that Christ could be trusted. And so with his pants soiled, he made the decision to trust Jesus.

I am certain that fear acts as a paralytic to us. We cower, cover our eyes, pretend something doesn’t exist, or make excuses.  And then in the dark we curse ourselves for being like that dumb lion in the Wizard of Oz, or we weep over opportunities we passed up.

While that certainty exists, I need to trust in the certainty that I CAN trust Jesus, and life is going to be filled with moments where I will fear the unknown, and I need to step forward.

You know that sweet part in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom where he goes through all those crazy booby traps to get to the water of eternal life? And when he gets to a ravine with no visible way to cross he freaks out?

Well, if you kept watching, (which I’m sure you did because George Lucas is a genius) you would notice he mentally prepared to take the step, and he lifted his leg and stepped, completely scared.

I have to make decisions that will dramatically change the trajectory of my life. And part of me wants to crawl back into my turtle shell where everything is warm and homey and comfortable and familiar. But, for the first time maybe ever, I think it’s time to become vulnerable enough to LET the Lord lead me. It’s time. It’s time to become tenacious to sticky note reminds of His Truths all over and take steps, even if they’re baby steps, in the direction I think I need to go.

And He will do beautiful things.

Take a look at this song. Not only is the use of orchestration absolutely brilliant, Michael Gungor is a great, great writer.

 

All this pain,
I wonder if I’ll even find my way?
I wonder if my life could really change at all.
All this earth,
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

 

He is making beautiful things, and He will continue to make beautiful things out of us. It’s time I let Him have all of me, and not just the parts I feel comfy giving Him.

 

-Becca

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