Posted by: bandaidchild | April 7, 2011

Peace (piece)

That’s the title of an incredible song written in 1958 by the late great Bill Evans. I’ve always loved that he named it that. What’s interesting is that he continues the same melody throughout which becomes the background melody after a while, and improvisation takes over. For a large portion of the song, the notes Evans’ chooses are aptly chosen, given the melody underneath. But towards the end, it starts to become very chaotic. His use of dissonance is not one I prefer, because it creates such a grinding rift in what was originally created. Near the end, you’re wondering where the peace went in the song, and those notes don’t end until seven or so seconds before it’s done. Some people find it hard to listen to this song because the notes he plays are actually distracting to the piece. But I feel it represents what seems to be going on in my life, my heart.

Today I went hiking all by myself (and Jesus, of course) for several hours. It was cloudy, and the sky threatened rain, but it was still beautiful. I always found it corny when people would state emphatically, “I went on a date with God and it was sooooooooooooooooooo awesome!!!!!”

I thought, “how can you go on a date with Him? That’s kind of creepy. Romanticizing for sure, and…I know the Bible talks about the Bride and Groom stuff, but I just can’t pictorially resonate with that image. And, why does it have to be a date? Why couldn’t they’ve said that they spent time with Jesus? It’s not like one of you paid for dinner and then watched Save the Last Dance followed by some snuggling.”

The truth is, I spent time with Jesus today. We didn’t go on a date, and we’re not going steady. But I tried to talk to Him since it’s been a while for a number of reasons. He kept me from falling every time the adventurer in me climbed up a rock face. That was sure nice of Him. He spoke to me through some songs blasting through my ears, and the hugeness of the scenery around me. I didn’t cry, I didn’t worship atop the mountain; I talked and listened, and we went on an adventure together. I enjoyed it. I’d bet He did, too.

This resonates with my heart right now.

Mindy Smith- Peace of Mind

I need peace of mind and a hopeful heart,

to lose this rage and move out of the dark.

I ain’t lookin’ for rainbows or shooting stars,

just some peace of mind and a hopeful heart.

I need peace of mind and lullaby,

cus there’s an angry voice in my head tonight

telling me to do things that cannot be right,

I need peace of mind and lullaby.

And a miracle for this broken soul,

a little miracle for this broken soul.

I need peace of mind and a gentle hand

as I try to change the way I am,

And hope God forgives me when I can’t,

I need peace of mind and a gentle hand.

Or a miracle for this broken soul,

Just a little miracle for this broken soul.

I need peace of mind and a hopeful heart. . .

I think peace is something that is being presented to me. I’m realizing I don’t have it when I am filled with so much rage I don’t know what to do with it. . . Except what I chose to do with it, which isn’t very good. I’m about to begin traversing through the messy road that is emotions. For me, emotions have always been a mystery. Either I have them and go coo-coo, or I fight against expressing them, or I get confused and angry about expressing them, or I feel selfish for expressing them, or I don’t have emotions, and have trouble connecting them to an event. I’ve always felt a little disconnected with my own emotions for various reasons, and I am realizing that learning to be comfortable with emotions and then expressing them appropriately will be very freeing for me.

And that I will have to visit this topic for a long time in my life.

The same predicament exists for me with the object of forgiveness. I can’t say I’m “ready”, but I forget that I have to re-visit the act when my heart gets cracked open like a Cadbury.

So, wish me well, eh? I’ll try and share as I learn more.

-Becca

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Responses

  1. wishing you well, indeed…

    “just some peace of mind and a hopeful heart” – yup, that’s what I need in this crazy-hard season.

    …and that cracked Cadbury – I so get that, too.

  2. Thanks!! I’ll take all the well-wishes I can gather.


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